hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
