u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
