Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
