No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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