Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
