Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
