My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
