so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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