Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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