I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
