I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
