addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
