i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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