So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
