The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
