Don't worry. I has chaperone.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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