Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Randomize
