Someone shit on the floor
We named our party play list daddy issues
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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