She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
