He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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