pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
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