What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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