so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
