I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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