So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
