What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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