ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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