She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
