i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
