Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
