Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
