I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
