Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
