Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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