I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
