wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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