The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
