Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
