when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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