I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
