Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
