i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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