Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
