drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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