I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
