in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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