i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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