Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
