your thong is hanging out like whoa
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
