Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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