Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Congratulations! We have a period
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