as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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