I just made out with a guy for $7.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
