It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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