honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
