so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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