Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
