you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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